REASON #1 TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT
by Adoptee Lori
I started searching for my birth parents on my 18th birthday – at least, I THINK it was my 18th birthday. I’m not sure anymore, since my records all seem to have different dates.
The first thing I did was to send off letters to the Post-Adoption registry. They wrote back, saying that if anyone in my birth family also registered, I’d be contacted. Over the years, I made sure to write them on a regular basis, reminding them of my search, making sure they had my current address and phone number, etc.
I was already annoyed at the closed-records system, and so on top of registering my name, I joined a bunch of search and support groups, and regularly wrote letters to politicians who had the power to change the laws.
It made me even angrier, when most of the politicians replied with comments like “it’s none of your business”, “your birth mother doesn’t want to be found, that’s why she gave you away”, and “we have to respect your birth mother’s right to privacy”. What about MY rights?
Finally, after several years of unsuccessful searching, I was at the point where I was ready to break into the records office with a large army of adoptees armed with machine guns. Ready to take what was rightfully mine. It was right about that time, when I received an anonymous phone call from someone who said that the law had just been changed. Adoptees could have an active search done (for a fee, of course).
Figuring that paying several hundred dollars for a search would be easier than a shootout, I went ahead with the search. It was completed within three months, and everyone has been found. It was nine years after I first started searching, that I first talked to my birth father. My relationship with him is going okay. But here is what REALLY ticks me off:
Firstly, my birth mother died three years after I started searching. The cause: suicide. The reason: because she couldn’t bear to live, not knowing where I was and if I was okay. According to my b-mom’s family, she talked about finding me CONSTANTLY. They sent to to psychiatrists and other doctors, who told her that she should look for me. But her mother kept talking her out of it, telling her that I probably didn’t know I was adopted, and how she would ruin my life if she contacted me.
As well, I found out another very interesting and annoying tidbit of information. – One, that I’m sure the government wishes I didn’t have. NEITHER of my birth parents gave me up!
My birth parents were engaged. Both were happy when they found out they were going to be parents. My bmother’s mother didn’t like my bdad, and made up a bunch of lies about him to tell to my birth mother. She bought it, and viola – break-up. But, even then, my birth mother had decided to keep me. She wouldn’t even discuss giving me up. She even went out and bought baby clothes and other baby stuff for me before I was born. Four days after my birth, my bmom’s mom shows up at the hospital, and sees that I’m still there. She tells my bmom that she’s supposed to give me up for adoption, and bmom refuses. A few days after that, bmom’s mom shows up AGAIN, and takes it upon herself to call social services to come and get me. Bmom goes ballistic, and tries immediately to get me back. Both bmom and bdad contact social services on a regular basis for the next few YEARS, trying to get custody of me, or at least a little information. Neither one keeps me a “dirty little secret”, and talks about me regularly. (In case you were wondering, bmom was 18, and bdad was 21 at the time. Bdad had a steady job and owned his own house. Neither had criminal records.)
Does anyone else see the IRONY in this? Not only did the f#cking government keep the records closed, when NOBODY ever asked for this, but I SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ADOPTED! I thought America was supposed to be land of the “free”, not land of the “you aren’t allowed to raise your own child if it’s a bastard”.
