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LAUGH!

Fun for Bastards and Adoptees!

Kick Back and Have a Laugh.
There are some things you have to live to appreciate. 🙂

The BN Calendar!:365 Reasons you can’t have your birth records

Legendary Bastards

Bastard Verse

The Bastard Nation Cookbook

Adoption Jokes

Bashful Nation

BassTurd Nation

Bastard Nation Bumper Stickers

Pandora’s Box

Adoption Barf Bag

Ode to the ACLU

What not to Say to Legislators or the Media:Real Life Stories

 

 

More Fun With Bastardy!

More SPAM for You!  Turn One Baby into 55,000 Babies!

A Conversation with my Dog by Dave Sipley

 

Land o’ Lists

SS’s Ten Commandments for Adoptees

Top Ten Things That Annoy Adoptees by Lori Pringle

30 Things Adoptees Wish They Knew About their Birthparents – but Often are Afraid to Ask.

 

Alt.Adoption:

Before there was Facebook there was alt.adoption, the meanest newsgroup on the net.  Also the birthplace of Bastard Nation.

alt.adoption classics. The Chicken Runs or Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

alt.adoption. The Celesta Zone:  Celesta’s Greatest Hits

Bastards in  Three Persons, Blessed Trinity, Gavi Person

 

FEATURE: Adoptee Products Catalog

Here it is folks: The Adoptee Products Catalog, merchandise for the modern adoptee!! Originated by Dr. Robert Andersen, excerpts first appeared in his 1993 book Second Choice: Growing Up Adopted.)

SILVER JEWELRY: Affirm your position as an adoptee with the metal long known for being second best. Silver jewelry cast as street urchins, puppydogs, and non-descript globs void of historical significance. $24.75

BEDTIME FAVORITES: Get this collector’s edition of these all-time favorite adoptee stories. Includes the beautiful CHOSEN CHILD, and MY MOTHER LOVED ME SO MUCH SHE GAVE ME UP. Also contains the dramatic YOUR BIRTHPARENT’S CRASHED AND BURNED, as well as the suspense thriller BE GOOD OR WE’LL TAKE YOU BACK. These and many other stories you can read again and again in this beautifully bound volume. $39.95

 FAMILY MEDICAL HISTORIES: Tired of not having answers to those embarrassing questions about family history? Here’s the solution. Let a computer generate your most likely family medical history based on your actual height, weight, color, and blood type; or wow your doctor with Fashion Histories-prewritten, medical histories guaranteed to attract attention. $9.95

EAR PLUGS:  Stop being a drag at adoptee family gatherings where family members cannot talk openly in your presence. Insert your sound-proof plugs and others will be certain you cannot hear a word. Now only $5.95

ADOPTEE ETIQUETTE: The definitive book on the subject. Includes such problem areas as how to deal with natural siblings, pretending it doesn’t matter, and how to avoid being returned. 220 pages of invaluable information compiled by leading authorities. $14.95

ADOPTEE JEANS: Tired if privately feeling you don’t fit in? Go Public! Announce to the world your displacement by wearing the jeans cut slightly wrong. You can fit by wearing the jeans that don’t. $19.95

NATURAL SOUNDS: Actual recordings of natural families. Hear REAL children talk to REAL parents. Learn to simulate natural children. Features such everyday events as a natural family dinner, and going to the movies. You too can seem more like a natural child by listening to these recordings. Record or cassette available. $19.95

TOUCH UP: Adoptee cosmetics. Noted as different? Getting static from adoptee relatives about not resembling the family’s natural children? End these problems today. This revolutionary new cosmetic line allows you to change your skin tone, hair color even eye color-Permanently! Yes, Permanently! Eradicate up to 20 hereditary physical characteristics forever with just one application. $49.95

 FAMOUS CRASH PHOTOS: Spectacular photographs of fatal automobile, bus and airplane accidents. One of these could be the actual accident in which your birthparents perished. Choose your favorite from this set of twenty-five all-time great crash photographs. Capture the moment, save the memories. Only $27.50

 THE BUYERS GUIDE TO BLACK MARKET BABIES:  Determine your self worth by discovering your cost. This complete guide adjusts for regional differences and compensates for inflation. Also, a supply and demand index allows comparison between times of baby gluts and shortages. Imagine your joy at learning you would have sold for $20,000 to $30,000 at today’s prices. A great confidence builder $17.50.

UNIVERSAL FLAGS: Celebrate your ancestral nationality with a beautiful flag. Each flag has a different country on each side and turns inside out to feature a total of four countries per flag. Play it safe with Flag #1 (Germany, France, England, Ireland);, go for broke with flag # 2 (Tibet, Peru, Kenya, Cambodia);, or hedge your bets with #3 (Austria, Poland, Sweden, Liberia). $43.75

TOMBSTONES: End your search today! Birthmother, birthfather, even build an extended family! These smartly styled stones weigh only sixty pounds so they can be easily moved with you when you change residence, and they feature ample room for names, dates, even an Epitaph. Buy them individually or get large discounts on twelve or more for spanning whole generations. $149/95

 INFLATABLE SIBLINGS: Create your own family with these heavy-duty mannequins that come in various sizes, colors, and hair styles to resemble ANYONE’S natural relatives. Create a feeling of belonging by surrounding yourself with inflatable people who look like you.

 SEX FOR ADOPTEES: Have you ever wondered what sex is like for non-adoptees? Here are the answers! Find out what non-adoptees do when they make love: what they think about, what they move, and when they move it. Learn from interviews of over 300 non-adoptees on everything you have always wondered about sex and many things you haven’t. Learn to behave in bed like a natural person. Even learn to simulate a natural orgasm. $24.95

 THE ILLEGITIMATES GUIDE TO UNWED MOTHERS HOMES: The most comprehensive guide on the market. Over 1200 listings with addresses, descriptions and photographs. Turn that routine vacation into a nostalgic adventure with a visit to the very place where your mother signed you away. $19.95

 STAGHORN FERNS: The official adoptee plant. Grows anywhere. No soil needed. No roots. Minimal care required. $24.00

 MICROSOFT TREE: Creates family trees for those who have none. Avoid those embarrassing moments when you or your child cannot produce a family tree. Style your tree to suit your needs with the help of America’s software giant. Requires MS-DOS 2.0 with 512K RAM $49.95

TRIANGLE: The adoption game from HASBRO! Three to six players try to blame others and avoid responsibility as they struggle for integrity and fulfillment and to avoid “disruption”. $14.95 HUMBLE PIE: Basic adoptee fare. 12 inch, deep dish pies. Bland, colorless, unappealing; but good for you. Eat anytime, but especially before visits to government and social agencies. Generic ingredients for generic people. Refrigeration not required. $8.50 each; 3 for $21.95

CONTEMPORAY ADOPTEE DANCE: Annoyed by those suspicious looks on the dance floor when someone suspects you are adopted? Fool your friends. Dance like natural people. Avoid those subtle ar, foot and hip movements that might give you away. 60 minute video cassette compares natural and adoptee movements and makes it easy to cover even the most subtle differences. Avoid forever those awkward moments when your partner suddenly suspects.$59.95

 TELEPHONE DISCOUNTS: Save, save, save! We have arranged through AT&T for a special multiple-mother discount rates on calls home those with more than one mother. FREE WITH EACH PURCHASE

Follow Bastard Nation

new! Bastard Nation Analysis and Endorsement of the Adoptee Citizenship Act 2015

new!  Bastard Nation Analysis and Endorsement of the Adoptee Citizenship Act 2015

Stop deporting our brothers and sisters!

Bastard Nation Executive Committee and LegCom page

Bastard Nation Executive Committee and LegCom page

Read about Bastard Nation leadership

THE BASTARD BOUTIQUE IS NOW OPEN! STOCK UP ON BASTARD SWAG FOR YOURSELF, YOUR FRIENDS. GIVE THE GIFT OF BASTARDY TO ANYONE, ANY TIME, ANY WHERE.

THE BASTARD BOUTIQUE IS NOW OPEN!  STOCK UP ON BASTARD SWAG FOR YOURSELF, YOUR FRIENDS. GIVE THE GIFT OF BASTARDY TO ANYONE, ANY TIME, ANY WHERE.

Your one-stop shopping for everything Bastard is now live. You can get our latest Bastard Nation swag at the Bastard Boutique. Quantities are limited! -- CLICK THE PIC!

FACEBOOK OFFICIAL BN PAGE

FACEBOOK OFFICIAL BN PAGE

Join us on the Official Bastard Nation Facebook page. The only "adoption" page on Facebook dedicated to discussion and promotion of adoptee autonomy, civil rights, bastard theory, political organizing, and activism. You can also sign up there for our BN mail list which includes all of our Action Alerts. This is not a search and support page. No Woundies need apply! (Page live on July 1, 2015)

FACEBOOK SOCIAL BN PAGE

FACEBOOK SOCIAL BN PAGE

Join the Bastard Nation Public Page, a public service for Bastard Nationals, friends and supporters. General discussion on adoptee rights and related issues.

TWITTER

TWITTER

Join us on Twitter. All the Bastardly news fit to tweet!

PINTEREST

PINTEREST

Join us on Pinterest. Bastard icons, images, members, actions, politics, and fun. And Christopher Walken!

Become a Bastard Nation Legislative Liaison!

Become a Bastard Nation Legislative Liaison!

Bastard Nation needs Legislative Liaisons in every state with laws that seal adoption records. We need eyes and ears in the legislatures, creating relationships and gathering information.

What does a BN Legislative Liaison do? They talk with lawmakers and their staff about adoptee rights and the laws that seal records. They distribute Bastard Nation position papers and FAQs to legislators and staff members. They record their conversations and report to the BN Legislative Committee.

They are organized, informed, friendly, helpful, and engaged.

What do you need to do to be a BN Legislative Liaison?

1. You need to live close to the capitol of your state.
2. You need to be able to appear friendly, even when talking with people who disagree with you or are just disagreeable, period.
3. You need to have a flexible schedule.
4. You need to agree with Bastard Nation’s mission: If you don’t know what that is, go to bastardnation.org, it’s right there on our welcome page.

Those are the prerequisites. If you are interested, click the picture of the capitol rotunda, and fill out the application form. We will be in touch and schedule an online orientation and training.

We look forward to working with you!

Read what real live adoptees have to say about secret adoption and sealed records....A service of Bastard Nation and Emma Pea! Fighting adoptacrats since 1996.

Hit the pic for archives.

Bastardly Books by Bastards and Friends

Bastardly  Books by Bastards and Friends

A reading list for all Good Bastards

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Meet Sharley!

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:  Meet Sharley!

Bastard Nation Moms Club

Bastard Nation Moms Club

Bastard Nation is gathering the names of moms who are willing to step forward and say that they were never promised confidentiality. If you are willing to participate, please comment this status. Your name (and if you choose, the relinquishment date) will be added to a list used in newspaper ads and to educate legislators.

Bastard Nation Action Alerts (from old BN page)

Recent Comments

Bastardly Books by Bastards and Friends

GET INVOLVED with Bastard Nation’s national and state-level advocacy efforts. Sign up or update your contact information here. We’ll be in touch.

GET INVOLVED  with Bastard Nation’s national and state-level advocacy efforts. Sign up or update your contact information here. We’ll be in touch.

bastard-chronicles

bastard-chronicles

Help us celebrate 20 years of bastardy! Bastard Nation is proud to announce the publication of "The Bastard Chronicles: 20 Years of Adoptee Equality Activism in the U.S.and the Birth of a Bastard Nation", Compiled and edited by Marla Paul, "The Bastard Chronicles" is primer for adoptee equality. It features a diverse collection of Bastard theory, and practice, Bastard and Bastard Nation history, legislative and political action, personal stories, art, and literature. It is the public face of Class Bastard written by Bastard Nationals and those we have influenced. Get yours in time for the holidays. Available at Amazon in print and Kindle today. (After the first of the year the print edition will also be available through the Bastard Boutique.

Bastards! Our Bastard Nation Logo T-shirts are now in the boutique! Show the world that we have no shame. Wear it proudly and represent!

Bastards! Our Bastard Nation Logo T-shirts are now in the boutique! Show the world that we have no shame. Wear it proudly and represent!

We also found a stash of our vintage BN logo keychains. There are only 10 left, so order yours! When they're gone, they're gone! Click he pic!

Join Bastard Nation!

Join Bastard Nation!

This summer we are updating our membership/donation page and payment process. If you would like to join or donate, please hit the spemrie. It will take you to our Bastard Boutique page. Follow instructions from there. Be sure to include a quick note with your contact information and anything else you'd like us us know..

My, my it’s American Bastard Pie! (design by Lisa Zatonsky)

My, my it’s American  Bastard Pie! (design by Lisa Zatonsky)

See our state partners:

See our state partners:

Proud Bastard Nation Partner: CalOpen

Proud Bastard Nation Partner: CalOpen

Proud Bastard Nation Partner: Indiana Open Access

Proud Bastard Nation Partner: Indiana Open Access

Proud Bastard Nation Partner: Michigan Open Access

Proud Bastard Nation Partner:  Michigan Open Access

Proud Bastard Nation Partner: Missouri Open

Proud Bastard Nation Partner:  Missouri Open

Proud Bastard Nation Partner: Equal Access Oklahoma

Proud Bastard Nation Partner: Equal Access Oklahoma

Proud Bastard Nation Partner: Open Adoption Records in Quebec

Proud Bastard Nation Partner: Open Adoption Records in Quebec

SAMPLE STATE ORGANIZATION RESOLUTION AGAINST VETOES AND OTHER RESTRICTIONS

SAMPLE STATE ORGANIZATION RESOLUTION AGAINST VETOES AND OTHER RESTRICTIONS

Any political organization seeking to enact true open records legislation should be very clear with both their constituents and the legislators they work with about what the essential provisions of the proposed bill are. Any modification or deletion of the essential provisions of a bill should be immediate cause to have the bill killed.

Any political organization seeking the assistance of Bastard Nation to pass open records legislation must hold unconditional access by adult adoptees to the original record of their birth as an essential provision that cannot be modified or deleted. Read our Mission Statement.

Bastard Nation will not assist any political organization to pass open records legislation unless their governing board or other leadership

passes a written resolution such as the following that commits the board to a strategy of no compromise on key provisions
informs its constituents of this commitment and this strategy
informs the sponsoring legislators of this commitment and this strategy.

WHEREAS we recognize that disclosure and contact vetoes, redactions, mandatory intermediaries and registry provisions are an affront to the dignity of adopted persons everywhere and a violation of their right to due process and equal treatment under the law,

WHEREAS there has been a demonstrable negative effect on the ability to pass unconditional open records in states that have passed veto legislation and/or any provisions that are less than unconditional access on demand by the adult adoptee,

WHEREAS our primary goal is to restore the right of adult adoptees everywhere to be treated as full citizens under the law,

WE HEREBY DECLARE that under no circumstances will we accept the addition of veto, redaction, intermediary, or registry provisions, or any conditional provisions to our legislation that would be less than unconditional access for adult adoptees to the original record of their birth. All legislative sponsors and members of this organization will be informed of our policy on this matter to ensure that the bill is pulled promptly in the event of such revisions.

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