Reunion

Freedom of Association for Adopted Citizens

Whether you just want medical information, to thank your
birthmother, or to have a relationship with blood relatives,
make sure you’re prepared for all eventualities.

Reconnection with previously unknown biological relatives, often called “reunion” in the traditional adoption reform movement, is a tricky business for Bastards.

Every Bastard and adoptee has his own reason for wanting (or not wanting) some sort of reconnection. Some have medical and family background information as their prime motivators. Others feel obligated to let their birthmother know that “I’m ok.” Others long to see and know people related to them by blood. Still others fear any kind of reconnection. The fear of adoptive and biological parents’ possible negative reactions is usually the cause of such fear.

Regardless of whether one decides to search and reconnect, as adult citizens we must be afforded the same freedom of association granted all other adults.

A Birthmother’s Warning by Amy Bredes. Think reunion’s going to be all hunky-dory, do you? Well, sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. Check out Amy Bredes’s Preparation Before Contact if you want to get an idea of some of the emotional baggage biomoms might be carrying around. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

First Contact: You Have Options by Denise Castelucci. How to make first contact via phone, letter or third party. Links to other reconnection resources.

Making Contact After the Search by Curry Wolf. Guidelines from birthmom BN supporter.

The Second Rejection by Marcy Wineman Axness. When your birthparent says no to reunion.

Bad Advice: How To Recognize It, And Dealing With Reunion Realistically by Maryanne Cohen

There are plenty of places on the net where you can read happy reunion stories. For these, try Voices of Adoption and the Adoptee Web l(NOTE: These are being reconstructed and will be up soon).