Ten Commandments for Adoptees
I. Thou shalt not covet they neighbor’s KIDS. His wife is OK as long as she says yes.
II. Thou shalt not “dis” aparents, bparents, or anybody else , but should be a good little Do-bee and shut the #@!* up.
III. Thou shalt not place ads for babies in the “Pennysaver” magazine cuz when adoptees are looking for a good deal on a lawn mower it pisses’m off.
IV. Thou shall not pull adad’s finger in church on Easter Sunday, amom’s is OK cuz she’s so uptight nothing will happen. Kinda like nothing happens when she does the horizontal mamba.
V. Thou shalt refrain, when at all possible, from launching rocket attacks on one’s adoption agency. Or, lynching the Ho er um… director. Note: Failure to obey this commandment is fully understandable.
VI. Thou shalt only shoot (machine gun) social workers in season (open season on social workers is January 1 to December 31 inclusive, with no “bag” limit).
VII. Thou shalt not spread the evil rumor that Bill Pierce is really the Kiddy Porn king. (Undescended testicles, really?)
VIII, Thou shalt practice a reliable form of pregnancy control if one decides to do the “wild-thang”. If one gets preggers anyhow and don’t want the little bastard one should practice a reliable form of birth control. I hear abortion is 100 percent effective, with the exception of Bill Pierce. His brain got sucked out, but he lived.
IX. Thou shalt not take advantage of cranially challenged bmoms. Thou shalt not cranially challenge bmoms at all.
X. Thou shalt not, if one is a perspective aparent, shadow the Easter Bunny to see if what they say about rabbit’s multiplying is true. Additionally, following bmoms around for the same purpose is off-limits.